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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.

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Chick Guy Mean Money People Successful Thinking

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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Buy Car First Mine Motorcycle Vehicles
I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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Anything Connection Each Emotional Mom Other Understanding
Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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Attracted Chick Doing Happen Love Dude Money Successful
When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Basketball Brother Guy Odd Playing Team Yarmulke
I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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Finished Funny Humor Masturbatory Pizza Session Two
I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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Democrat Democratic Republican Used
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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Enough Good Hurt Hurting Interesting Nice Parent People
We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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Asian Black Hispanic Straight Together White Working
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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Equivalent Fat Giving Government Morning Overwhelmed People Person Sending
I get depressed at airports.
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Airport Depress Depressed Fear Height Scare Shy
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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Construction Dirty Early Liked Money Naughty Nice Paid Something Stuff
And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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Asian Common Country Goal Guttenberg Hispanic Together
No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Book Comedian Comedy Enjoy Fun Read Reader
A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Crisis Dalliance might Paper People Practice Right Truthful
Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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Ashtray College High Junior School

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