It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
ADAM CAROLLAA lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I get depressed at airports.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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