The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLAA lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA