No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLAI’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I get depressed at airports.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
ADAM CAROLLA