In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
ADAM CAROLLAI’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
ADAM CAROLLA