I know everything because I know nothing.
ADAM CAROLLAI’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
ADAM CAROLLA






