I don’t know anything about computers.
ADAM CAROLLAThose dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA