What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLAYou don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
ADAM CAROLLA