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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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Asian Black Hispanic Straight Together White Working
I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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Desire People Political Some Sort Strong Thinking Wrap
There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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Everything Know Nothing Aware Truth

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