Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
ADAM CAROLLAThe main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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