Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
ADAM CAROLLA






