Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLAMmm, tastes like hepatitis!
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
ADAM CAROLLA