We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
ADAM CAROLLAMmm, tastes like hepatitis!
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
ADAM CAROLLA