I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLAI know everything because I know nothing.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
ADAM CAROLLA






