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I don’t know anything about computers.

Adam Carolla

If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLA

Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
ADAM CAROLLA

Beautiful Beauty Definition Miracle Outside Profession
I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Differences Drunk Funny Guess Hard Work Humor Worked
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
ADAM CAROLLA

Actually Chance Chick Funny Humor Mercedes Name
A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Guy Mean Money People Successful Thinking
If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA

Beer Bottle Butterfly Chased Idea Sell Water
I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Money Myself Plenty Want Working
Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
ADAM CAROLLA

Feel Free Higher Pay Tax
And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Common Country Goal Guttenberg Hispanic Together
Don’t do your best, do my best.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advice Best Force Mine Order Question Work
That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dream Force Like Love Pursue Quit Sport Writing
The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Build Drive Gift Impossible Seem Stuff Yourself
I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
ADAM CAROLLA

Democrat Democratic Republican Used
I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA

Burn Calories Happen Masculine Trying World
So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit Bringing Courage God Keep People Suppress
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Book Escape Mean Moving Relieved

I don’t know anything about computers.

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I don’t know anything about computers.

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