California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t know anything about computers.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
ADAM CAROLLA