I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
ADAM CAROLLADon’t do your best, do my best.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
ADAM CAROLLA