[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLAMaybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
ADAM CAROLLA