When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLAIn my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
ADAM CAROLLA






