Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
ADAM CAROLLAIn my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
ADAM CAROLLA