I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLAMy life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLA