Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDSSome weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS -
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS -
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS -
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS -
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS