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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

W. C. Fields

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

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