Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDSNever try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I drink therefore I am.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS