black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

W. C. Fields

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes