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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

W. C. Fields

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

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