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Never give a sucker an even break.

W. C. Fields

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View

Never give a sucker an even break.

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Never give a sucker an even break.

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