Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS






