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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See

If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.

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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.

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