My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDSIf I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS -
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS -
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS -
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS -
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS -
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS -
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS






