More from W. C. Fields
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields
Original quotes
From our community writers
Since you are gone, I collect the stars each night building my own night sky, so I have something to hold onto forever.
Laura ChouetteLaura Chouette Can anybody hear me? Are my words going to waste I need to believe there was a purpose to all the pain?
Allie MillerAllie Miller The universe hears what you say, but it knows what you mean.
Brianna PastorBrianna Pastor Enough of this. The next one I love will return my passion.
Iestyn TudorIestyn Tudor It’s unconditional; their chemistry is unconditional – forever.
Ophelia ScarlettOphelia Scarlett I love you so much that it hurts and that’s the problem I love you so much that it hurts.
Olivia CliffordOlivia Clifford Let’s always bloom, savor and delight others with our beauty.
Mariya FedulovaMariya Fedulova Shadows follow me the way a vulture stalks death. One small step ahead.
Danielle MontgomeryDanielle Montgomery
Meet the writers
More on instagram captions
Life is grim, and we don’t have to be grim all the time.
Madeleine AlbrightMadeleine Albright I know who I am. I have a very strong sense of self.
Kristen StewartKristen Stewart If you need a miracle, be a miracle.
Phil McGrawPhil McGraw It is the silliness of youth to trust time.
Obehi Vessel A.Obehi Vessel A. She is not exactly wonder woman but nevertheless she is a woman full of wonders.
Jenny WinbladhJenny Winbladh Lord I’m on fire they think that I’m Satan.
Travis ScottTravis Scott I don’t ask anyone else to live my life. I have enough trouble doing that.
Hillary ClintonHillary Clinton When it comes to swag, there’s no gender involved.
Young ThugYoung Thug