black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

W. C. Fields

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner

If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes