Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDSTrust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
-
-
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS -
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS -
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS -
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS -
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS -
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS -
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS -
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS -
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS -
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS -
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS -
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS -
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS -
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS -
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS -
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS -
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS -
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS -
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS -
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS