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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Morning Smile Start
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Doctor Togetherness
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Myself Vote
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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Animal Bad Children Hate
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Food Funny
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Beautiful Experience Life
I never met a kid I liked.
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Children Myself One Liner
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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