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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Beautiful Experience Life
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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Life View
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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Children Food Myself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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Easy Time Yourself

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