I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
BILLY CONNOLLYI don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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I don’t aim to offend.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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