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I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

Bob Hope

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPE

England Hair Line One
The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous People
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
BOB HOPE

Get Golf Names Vain
Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
BOB HOPE

Careers Dying Line One
Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
BOB HOPE

Funny Item People Telling Years
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE

Aspirin Firm Print Times
Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
BOB HOPE

Ambition Dancing People
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
BOB HOPE

May Watches World
I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
BOB HOPE

Dies Golf Pain Swings
Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.
BOB HOPE

Best Friend Talking Tire
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken
YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
BOB HOPE

Concentrate Grandchildren One Thing Tim
Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Rocks
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things – not the great occasions – that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
BOB HOPE

Happiness Inspirational Laughter
Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
BOB HOPE

Ambulance Golf Golfer Guy Slowly Speaks Time Way

I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

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I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

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Popular Authors

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