“Beauty is . . . a valuable asset if you’re poor or haven’t any sense.”

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Ther’s still a few honest folks left but they never seem t’ find anything you lose.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

Don’t underestimate the value of irony-it is extremely valuable.

Government is the only institution that can take a valuable commodity like paper, and make it worthless by applying ink.

I don’t care if people I admire criticize me because their opinion is valuable to me.

When I fall in love, I feel more valuable and I treat myself with more care. We have all observed the hesitant adolescent, uncertain of himself, who, when he or she falls in love, suddenly walks with a certain inner assuredness and confidence/

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

But though the professed aim of all scientific work is to unravel the secrets of nature, it has another effect, not less valuable, on the mind of the worker. It leaves him in possession of methods which nothing but scientific work could have led him to invent.

Passionate love, I take it, rarely lasts long, and is very troublesome while it does last. Mutual esteem is very much more valuable.

The most valuable of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it has to be done, whether you like it or not.