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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten
A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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Again Happen Last Night Nothing Terrible Thing
My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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Just Justice Like Look Photograph
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women
By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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Common Crave Far Mist Pregnant Prepare Women
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Country Discover Elect Eyewear Just Measurement People Person
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Bd Commemorate Cook Country Kid Person Thanksgiving Through
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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Children Down First Month Shut Spend Talk Teah Tell Twelve Walk
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Admit Away Boyfriend Drive Forty Live Mile Sex Tremendous
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Love Man Marry Money Nothing Tennis
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Age Back Do Go More Than

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