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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.

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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Bad Earn Ever Kid Last Lose Money Old Teeth Thing
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Christmas Everybody Forgotten Past Present Remember Time Want
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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Central Crime Night Only Park Reduce Trade Walk Woman
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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Beuty Estimate Hour Seven Shop Spent
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Cheap Christmas Committed Eve Fre Husband Kids Santa Shot Suicide Tell
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Curve Set Smile Straight
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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Avoid Beget Children Desire Entirely Mean Poverty Single Something Violence
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Any Argument Bank Been Cab Country Just Robbed Three Time
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing

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