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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

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Chance Housework Kill Rake You

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bottle Kiss Play Quater Spin Want
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Avoid Beget Children Desire Entirely Mean Poverty Single Something Violence
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Exactly Friend Laugh Look Man Passport Photo Picture Realize
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Body Doctor Hope Look Reincarnation Said Yes
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Best Contraceptive Nudity People
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want
Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Cook Food Lose May never Serve Taste
Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Appendix Back Divorce Husband Like Put Remarry
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Finish Half Hour Last Minute
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Drive License Made Most Now Old Sense Sixteen State Year
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Curve Set Smile Straight
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Country Once Out People Player Room
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beauty Day Fourteen Give never Plan Ten Up Year

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