I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
GEORGE BURNSBe quick to learn and wise to know.
More George Burns Quotes
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
GEORGE BURNS -
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
GEORGE BURNS -
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE BURNS -
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS -
I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS -
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
GEORGE BURNS