Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE BURNSIt’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
More George Burns Quotes
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
GEORGE BURNS






