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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Back Car Drive Want Wife
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Already Always Eye Garbage Keep Me Rid She Told Try Wife
Life is just a bowl of pits.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Fat Found Look One Only Out People Way
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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