“We always go out looking for live music after our shows.”

My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I’ve been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don’t really look outside for stories.

A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.

I was a comedy fan when I was a little kid.

My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.

If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.

The only thing I really worry about is my live stand-up show because I have to answer to the fans.

There’s no backlog of people we can fire for no reason and act as if they don’t exist.

I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.

Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.

I go through about 140 cities a year.

My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.

I didn’t get where I am today by worryin’ about how I’d feel tomorrow.

I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.

I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.

I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.

If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.

Technology is anything invented after you were born, everything else is just stuff.

George Harrison: The day after the Blue Angel audition.

I’ve had to adjust to karaoke as a modern reality that obscures our hunt for what we’re truly after.

But it’s a poor church that cares only for what happens to a soul after it leaves this life.” -Damien

10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?

Really, I didn’t know my dad very well. He and my mother split up after the war. I was raised by my maternal grandmother and grandfather, and by my mother.

Getting to the top has an unfortunate tendency to persuade people that the system is OK after all.

It is the first cry after birth