Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
FRAN LEBOWITZDo not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
FRAN LEBOWITZMy desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
FRAN LEBOWITZYour life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
FRAN LEBOWITZHumility is no substitute for a good personality.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZThe opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
FRAN LEBOWITZSuccess didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
FRAN LEBOWITZI never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
FRAN LEBOWITZAndy Warhol made fame more famous.
FRAN LEBOWITZEven when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
FRAN LEBOWITZCalling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
FRAN LEBOWITZI’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZRemember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZYou’re only as good as your last haircut.
FRAN LEBOWITZRadio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
FRAN LEBOWITZIn the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
FRAN LEBOWITZ