We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KINGBut in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
More Alan King Quotes
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
ALAN KING