The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KINGComedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
More Alan King Quotes
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KING






