My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KINGOne morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING