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I was a high school throw-out.

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High Out School Throw

Bagwalas

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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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Eat Every Holiday Jewish Kill Summer Try Won
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Day Decide Dinner Go Morning Through
Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Difficult Face Funny Go Let Offend Worry
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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Amazing Away Call Comedy Get Hard Laugh Once Turn
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Always Big Consider End Failure Line Old Socialist Unionist
It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Allow Being Comeback Easy Father
I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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Carnegie Hall Have Made Practice
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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Apple Every Gave Hospital Juice Morning
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Again Go Role Something Sympathetic Thirty Two Week
My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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Ate Clean Good House Kept Mother
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Fight Keep Marriage Nature Stranger Way
That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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Great New Older Thing Year
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Book Love Marriage Read Separate Two Want
For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Always Birthday Joke Me Such Time
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Bad Good Joy Over Place Review Scream Unhappy
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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