I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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