“I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.”

I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.

Don’t do your best, do my best.

If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.

There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.

Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.

I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.

Movies can provide tear-inducing or comically-entertaining representations of love, but many agree that its deeper conflicting complexities often seem unfathomable.