“When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.”

There are certain things women are better at than men.

Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.

People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.

All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.

Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to

I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor

That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?

If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

The food in Sydney is an Asian Pacific cuisine. It’s eclectic but above all it’s fresh, inventive and creative and that’s what I love about it.

Wong Kar-wai and Ang Lee are two Asian directors I’m really fond of.

You can go home again…so long as you understand that home is a place where you have never been.

Ancestor worship, or filial piety so characteristic of Asian cultures, for example, does not really resonate with Americans who favor children, not grandparents.

And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to

We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.

We live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns.

This was in the ’70s and there was a lot of racism towards South Asians and there was a lot of hazing and bullying and racism that really probably shaped me in some way in terms of, like, wanting to get out of there.