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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.

Adam Carolla

I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
ADAM CAROLLA

Blue Collar Doofus Guy Valley
I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
ADAM CAROLLA

Definitely Drama Future Life Making Serious
I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
ADAM CAROLLA

Form Format Freedom Mess Podcasting
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
ADAM CAROLLA

Like Performing Radio Stuff Television Watching
There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Agnostic Atheist Away Bigger Cancer Christian Screening Take
I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Color Eye Great Visible Vision
I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anything Connection Each Emotional Mom Other Understanding
I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Differences Drunk Funny Guess Hard Work Humor Worked
I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Feeling Land Side Thing Views
This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
ADAM CAROLLA

Circumstance Gay Glider Hate Pomp Star Terrorist
Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ashtray College High Junior School
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Human Remain Size Street Tax
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
ADAM CAROLLA

Call Dish Giving Head Hungarian Night Paprikash Sorry World
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
ADAM CAROLLA

Enough Good Hurt Hurting Interesting Nice Parent People
When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLA

Base Funny Include Kind King Revise Sex Sexual Sexy

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.

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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.

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Popular Authors

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