No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLAChicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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