I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
ADAM CAROLLAI used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
ADAM CAROLLAWearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
ADAM CAROLLAThe best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLAAsking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLAPeople have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
ADAM CAROLLAI think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
ADAM CAROLLAI had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
ADAM CAROLLAThere are certain things women are better at than men.
ADAM CAROLLANo one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
ADAM CAROLLAChicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
ADAM CAROLLAI know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLAIn my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
ADAM CAROLLAIf in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLAThere is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLAYou’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
ADAM CAROLLA