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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.

Related Topics

Finished Funny Humor Masturbatory Pizza Session Two

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

There are certain things women are better at than men.
ADAM CAROLLA

Better Certain Expert Man Thing Unique Women
If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA

Beer Bottle Butterfly Chased Idea Sell Water
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA

Better Emotional Guy Mechanical Stuff Women
I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anything Connection Each Emotional Mom Other Understanding
Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
ADAM CAROLLA

Check Up Doctor Funny Health Heapatist Humor Taste
I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
ADAM CAROLLA

Care Connection Country Hollywood Protection
Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLA

Heo Methadone Monetary Organisation Welfare
. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Bless Country Dancing Floor God Man Star Win Woman Wooden
You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anything Eating Funny Humor Microwave Six Take
If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bridge Built Done Meant Women
The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
ADAM CAROLLA

Art Beautiful Car
The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Build Drive Gift Impossible Seem Stuff Yourself
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
ADAM CAROLLA

Architecture Car Dirty Hammer Money Stuff Wanted
I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Color Eye Great Visible Vision
I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Cue Feeling Good Positive Reader

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