Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
ADAM CAROLLAThe main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
ADAM CAROLLA