I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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