If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
ADAM CAROLLAA lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
ADAM CAROLLA