There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
ADAM CAROLLAA lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
ADAM CAROLLA






