Don’t do your best, do my best.
ADAM CAROLLAMaybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
ADAM CAROLLA