I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLAThe best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLA






