If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
ADAM CAROLLAIf Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
ADAM CAROLLA






