I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
BILL MAHERAt some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
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To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER