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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

Bill Maher

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
BILL MAHER

Mistake Necessary Past Person Wisdom
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
BILL MAHER

Conservative Human Money Myself Profit Universal
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER

Call Celebration Fake Fools Ourselves People
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
BILL MAHER

Conform Country Need People Talk
Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheist Definition Idiot Position Religion Sex
Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
BILL MAHER

Cash Crime Discussion Legal War
I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
BILL MAHER

Communalism Compare Human Hypocrisy Marriage Nature
What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
BILL MAHER

Believe Love Myself Politics Stupidity
You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
BILL MAHER

Difference People Prayer Religious Warm Yourself
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER

Apology Crazy Himself Identity Wrong
I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
BILL MAHER

Myself Religion Respect Thinking
In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
BILL MAHER

Government Hospital Party Politics Profit Socialism
If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHER

Best Music Technology Yourself
When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
BILL MAHER

Office People Silence Talk
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
BILL MAHER

Dog Explanation Issues Myself Sorry Understand

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

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